Step 20 Up the Tribe Triangle: Upgrading From The Golden Rule To The Platinum Rule
“Treat others the way they want to be treated,
not the way you want to be treated.”
Step 19 contained the potential power of accessing the differences that exist in your team. These differences are the raw ingredients that drive the human competitive advantage of adaptability. Step 19 also underscored the vital need for solidifying your team’s foundation of alignment and similarity before you unleash their differences.
The transition from the universal Golden Rule to the rare and elite Platinum Rule follows this same sequence; you must establish your team’s Golden Rules before you explore and implement the Platinum Rule.
Your people are unique. This is what makes them special and your team sustainably successful. Capitalizing on these differences in an intentional and strategic way is how you unlock and maintain this competitive advantage. This is the transition from the Golden Rule to the Platinum Rule. Implementing this cultural upgrade in your team will radically improve relationships of all sorts and leads to:
Increased feelings of belonging, engagement and retention
More authentic feedback, communication and accountability
Improved conflict resolution and risk-taking
Increased marketing awareness and sales
All modern societies have some version of the Golden Rule and it is embedded in the cultural norms of every modern culture. The concept dates back to at least Confucian times 500 years BCE and some version of the Golden Rule appears in all the major religions including Buddhism, Islam and Judaism and Christianity where is states in the bible, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” (Matt. 7:12).
The Golden Rule is a designed for people who are not in a kinship system and who do not share the safety that is created by a common vision, values and mission. When dealing with people outside of our kinship systems we must step down into an impersonal set of behaviors that are intentionally superficial and universal.
We can witness and experience these shallow, guarded behaviors by becoming aware of the norms that operate in common areas such as banks, airports and elevators. Notice how people stand, act and speak. Notice how uncomfortable it feels in these places? That feeling is the human experience of being around strangers and it is deeply disturbing at a biochemical level. Cortisol, adrenaline and other stress hormones all spike when people engage with others outside of their kinship systems. The Golden Rule provides a baseline of shallow but safe behavior that enables stressed people to do business and live life in the presence of strangers.
The Golden Rule enables surviving but does not activate thriving. For that, we are going to have upgrade our operating system to the Platinum Rule.
The Golden Rule has been criticized for generations by philosophers and leaders who saw it as being valuable for a baseline for social behavior but limiting in the capacity for building intimacy, competitiveness and sustainable success. Both Friedrich Nietzsche and Immanuel Kant were the first to question the premise of the Golden Rule because in any relationship we can only know how you want to be treated and everyone has vastly different upbringings, belief systems, values and personal histories. How you want to be treated is bound to be different than everyone else you work with particularly with the people you work or live with with on a regular basis.
To make these relationships actually work in more than superficial ways, we are going to have to dig deeper. How do the individuals on your team need to receive feedback, especially critical feedback? How do they engage with, and resolve, conflict?
This pertains to your customers as well; how do they need to be marketed to and what are their priorities? These are all Platinum Rule questions and they pertain to your husband, wife, children and neighbors as well. This topic and these questions are some of the core competencies and challenges of leadership.
Finding out the wants and needs of all your close people can seem daunting, and it is. It is one of the reasons that honor-based, tribe cultures have a limited number or members before they collapse into pride-based individual-centric communities. When that happens, the Golden Rule is resumed. Understanding this, you can now see why all the big kinship upgrades in the Tribe Triangle can only happen when you have done your foundation work of building alignment!
The first step of upgrading to the Platinum Rule is to express your communication needs first. Remember, Tribe Leader, you are the head of culture before you are anything else and by modeling the specific ways you need to be critiqued, challenged and praised will empower others to express their individual needs as well.
Conducting an individual or group conversation of sharing these Platinum Rule needs is one of the most engaging and valuable exercises you can do with your family and work team. You deserve the Platinum Rule. Your People demand it.
Click here To watch the video of Step 20: Upgrading From The Golden Rule To The Platinum Rule
Leaders Must Write and Speak
Answer these questions in your journal by really writing them down. Discuss them with at least one of your most important people and really listen to their response.
How do you best receive personal critical feedback? Private or public? Direct and immediate or in a more structured way with examples?
When you get stressed out and overwhelmed how do you need to be supported? Challenged and acknowledged or nurtured and reassured?
How do you need conflict to be engaged with and resolved?
Ask these same questions (and any others that come up) to the members of your family and work team.
Ubuntu,
Philip Folsom